50 Year High School Reunion? Nah...

©diane green

The idea of attending my 50-year high school reunion fills me with a complex mix of emotions, mostly centered on the trauma I endured during my formative years. My experience of sexual abuse left deep scars that have impacted my life in profound ways, making the prospect of returning to a group of people among whom it all began a daunting and potentially triggering one.

The abuse I suffered was a betrayal of trust on a scale I can't fully articulate. It shattered my sense of safety and security, leaving me feeling vulnerable and alone. The emotional turmoil it caused was overwhelming, and I struggled to cope with the feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion that consumed me. In an attempt to numb the pain, I turned to alcohol and drugs, which offered a temporary escape from the harsh realities of my life.

While substances initially provided a sense of relief, they ultimately became a destructive force, leading to a downward spiral of addiction and self-destruction. The reunion, with its potential to trigger memories and emotions associated with my trauma, poses a significant risk to my sobriety and overall well-being.

The thought of encountering individuals who were present during my high school years, some of whom may have witnessed or been aware of the abuse, fills me with dread. I fear that reconnecting with old acquaintances could reopen old wounds and bring back painful memories. The possibility of reliving the shame and humiliation I experienced is too much to bear.

Moreover, the reunion represents a time capsule of a period in my life that was marked by significant pain and suffering. It would be a stark reminder of the trauma I endured and the subsequent struggles I faced. The contrast between the idealized version of high school portrayed in reunions and my own harrowing experience would be too painful to confront.

While I understand the allure of nostalgia and the desire to reconnect with old friends, the potential harm far outweighs any potential benefits. Attending the reunion would be a reckless gamble with my mental and emotional health. Instead, I choose to prioritize my well-being and focus on the progress I've made in overcoming the trauma of the past.

I have been actively, continuously working on my recovery for 26 years, and helping others with a couple of 12 Step programs. The idea of attending my 50-year high school reunion fills me with a complex mix of emotions, mostly centered on the trauma I endured during my formative years. My experience of sexual abuse, date rape and being drugged by Rohypnol by 2 of my high school’s football players left deep scars that have impacted my life in profound ways, making the prospect of returning to the environment where it all began a daunting and potentially triggering one.

The abuse I suffered was a betrayal of trust on a scale I can't fully articulate. It shattered my sense of safety and security, leaving me feeling vulnerable and alone. The emotional turmoil it caused was overwhelming, and I struggled to cope with the feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion that consumed me. In an attempt to numb the pain, I turned to alcohol and drugs, which offered a temporary escape from the harsh realities of my life.

Though I may not be physically present at the reunion, I carry the memories and lessons learned from my experiences. They have shaped me into the person I am today, and I am grateful for the strength and resilience I have developed. By sharing my story, I hope to raise awareness about the devastating impact of sexual abuse and encourage others who have experienced similar trauma to seek help and support.